she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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