Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
