Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
