So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That accounts for only three of the penises
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
