So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
