Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
