I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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