dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
