Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
