I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
