i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize