btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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