you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
