Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
