That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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