1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will pee on everything he values.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
that may or may not have been my penis.
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