So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
