we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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