I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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