i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
