in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
