dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
