i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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