He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
