Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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