I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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