Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
