her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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