what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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