Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
