I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
