I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
