You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
