Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
