Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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