your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
