I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
