see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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