He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
