Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
