Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
