did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
