You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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