Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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