just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
