I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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