Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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