If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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