life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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