Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
