"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
