i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
