Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
