is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
