it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
