There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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