dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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