I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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