I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
