don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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