david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My pussy is not your playground.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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