Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
