She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
