she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
