I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
