the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
